Yes.. I feel like bursting in here.. I have so many things in my head.. and so many things to be done.. but I just don't know where to start and what to do first.. It's like everything on my shoulders.. well it's nothing to do with my carreer or what.. I'm talking about my life I'm living.. I'm worried of my two kids who stay at home with a 'stranger' and they are too small to protect themselves.. :( This makes me sometime feels like pulling myself out from my career and be a 24hours housewife. But that's other thing I have to consider about, if I quit, what happen to our family economy? I'm working because my husband's pay is just enough for the four of us.. and living in today.. money first others second.. So I have to work.. and when I have to work.. there's somebody we have to hire to take care of our kids.. because picking a nanny or any nursery is not an option.. so we hire a maid.
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Aqil and Amsyar with Bibik Ana |
Yes I do have a husband to help on, but being away is something he hardly assist me with our living.. and yes we do have a maid which I thank Allah for sending her to us. But still having an 'outsider' in your house taking care of your kids without any of your own family to monitor.. is something you have to tawakal on.. I'm gambling my kids to her.. I can only have my 'doa' for my kids.. I'm hoping that she is treating my kids the way she treats them in front of us.. Well who might know if she's pretending.. that's what i'm afraid of. I have faith in Allah, so I can only hope for His blessings in protecting my two kids.. Certainly this is what keep on disturbing my mind.. but I always take it in a positive way.. I might kind of 'lepas tangan' when we lived in with my mom.. because I know my mom is there to monitor my maid.. and now, living on our own.. I really rely on her.. So far in my eyes she's ok, not that she's not done any mistakes, she does.. but it's forgiven.. and I'm the type who just don't know how to ticking-off one on the spot.. that's my weakness and that's my husband annoyance..
Well..well.. that's just a rambling.. and my prayers are only the best for my kids and our family.. May Allah Bless us always.. Amin..
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